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Am I really failing?
It’s been a while since I joined in the monthly Link Up Party with A Chronic Voice. My blogging rhythm is totally out of sync, and I’ve not had the energy to write more than one blog post a week. I’ve felt a bit of a let down and a failure; not just with the others who participate in the Link Up, but with myself; I love writing and I always find these posts so creative and a different style to my usual Sunday posts.
But it’s not failing. It’s adapting to my situation – understanding my limits, my pain, and what I need to focus my energy on.
Something I’ve been working on for some time now, is managing my stress. Stress, for me, is one of the biggest contributors to my pain. When I’m stressed I tense up and this makes my neck and shoulder pain much worse than it should be. I also get a lot more, what I call, muscle twangs, and they really hurt.
I hadn’t really thought about it in this way before, but I’ve been pausing a lot lately. Just simply stopping what I am doing and pausing. Sometimes I go for a walk, sometimes I lie down, close my eyes, and just be. Sometimes I’ve broken the silence with a podcast, or just listened to the silence and focussed on my breathing.
I’m rubbish at deciding and making decisions. I often see the benefit of all options; or find I have too much choice and can’t make my mind up.
I flit from one thing to another. Decide on something, then my brain convinces me not to do it, or I don’t need to do it, or I should be doing something else. Convince myself that if I do something I will make my pain worse, or I’ll struggle to cope.
It’s mentally draining.
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And once again I feel like a failure. Failing at using my valuable time in the right way; failing at making a decision; failing at life.
But we just have to accept it is what it is. Sometimes things aren’t meant to be. There are worse things in this world, and really, in the big scheme of things, it’s not failing.
It’s me. And that’s ok. Honestly!
Why don’t you take part too?
Sheryl shares some amazing stories on her blog, and is a great support for other bloggers and writers who have a chronic illness and/or chronic pain.
If you have a chronic illness or chronic pain why don’t you take part too?